| Breakups and Other Things Getting Me Down... |
[Jul. 19th, 2012|05:55 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
Crikey...after this morning's desk shift at my building, I took a nap (because I hardly ever sleep the night before an early morning desk shift); and had one of those dreams where I keep thinking I've woken Up, but haven't, and everything is so bloody Surreal. The first set of dreams kept repeating themselves, involving bad living conditions, Old Fashioned furniture and appliances (including a fridge that appeared to date from the 1940's or So), and two Adolescent twins (?) that kept hitting on me in increasingly Explicit ways. When I finally did, in fact, wake up for Real, I quickly began wondering if it was some sort of Bizarre near-death experience. Then I fell asleep Again; and begin having similarly Repetitive dreams with Apocalyptic nightmare-themes, Including the aftermath of a nuclear attack. Took a while to wake up from that one too. When I finally left home and negotiated a small payday loan, I figured I'd gone without refilling my prescriptions long Enough, and was probably in the throes of Paxil withdrawal (I've been on the things since late '98). When that happens, I get rather Shaky and emotionally Overwrought, which is pretty much how I was feeling Earlier this afternoon.
Aside from that, though, I've been feeling Down and very Frustrated about a variety of things for quite a while now, Aside from the Usual money woes. Among these are the Following:
1) I have a very good friend in my building, Sammy the dachshund/rat terrier mix, whom I'm very Close to and (lately) Terrified of losing. He's about 9 years old Now; and though he's always been in very good health generally, he's had spinal disk herniation since the age of 4 (an awful lot of dachshunds are Predisposed to that). On top of that, he has to have one hind leg Bandaged most of the time because he's been compulsively licking hot spots on that leg to the point of drawing blood; and his eyes are becoming a bit Cloudy due to Advancing age (his mom says cataracts are Possible, but not that Likely). He and his mom are also very close; but he's getting to be somewhat high-maintenance, and I keep fearing that she'll finally give up on him and have him put down out of Sheer frustration. Hopefully that won't happen too terribly Soon, as I have a Serious fear of being Shocked (in a bad way). Every time I've spent time with him lately, I've gotten the Nagging thought in my head that it's the last time I'll see him.
2) Breakup #1: This is the high-profile one--the Johnny Depp/Vanessa Paradis split. I'm very fond of both these people, and have admired their relationship and family for many years. Hearing the official news of their Amicable separation has affected me a lot more than I expected it to; it's almost like learning of the death of someone I know and care about, though I don't know either of them (yet). I've been wanting to get to know them, somehow, for a long time--how does one get to know people who are Isolated from you by the Invisible Celebrity Barrier, anyway?--and have been really Saddened and Pained at stories that are mostly mud-slinging and abuse Directed at one or the other of them. For some reason, it's mostly Paradis who's been getting the abuse Hurled at her by every D-grade tabloid and gossip site out there. Why is this? My theory is that people are hating on her particularly because she's: a) female; b) French; and c) the mother of Johnny Depp's children. I think this treatment of her is totally Unnecessary and Unfair; but of course neither of them is being Described in exactly Glowing terms. She is regularly Portrayed as a half-Mad, screaming harpy Prone to jealous rages; and Depp is Painted as a Morose, drunken vagabond who jumps into bed with every adult female humanoid he meets. Neither of these portrayals is probably very Accurate or adequately Researched. In any case, I've been feeling very Bummed about the whole situation.
3) Breakup #2: Sarah Lee Parker/Karim Koumbassa, of One World Drum and Dance here in Seattle. This one is less high-profile, of course; but it's still Affected me in a rather Personal way, since I actually sort of know these two. Sarah Lee from Wisconsin, and Karim from Conakry, Guinea are two afficionados of West African dance and drumming; and were Married and working Together between 2005 and 2011, teaching Guinean dance and drumming here in Seattle. I've met them at Various festivals and other cultural events over the years; and taken Enough dance workshops with them to know that I'd love to take regular dance classes with them as Soon as I can afford to. West African dance is quite possibly the best cardiovascular workout on the Entire planet, and definitely one of the most Fun ways to get into shape. There are several other solo and Paired teachers of West African dance working here in the Seattle area; but for some reason, I've been particularly Drawn to this couple. And now they've gone and Separated (roughly a year Ago); and at least one of them has moved on to a new relationship Besides. Will dance classes and Guinean school fundraising with their organization ever be quite the same Again? As with Breakup #1, I've been quite Affected and Bummed out over these developments as well.
4) Update (now October 14, 2012!): Breakdown: Something's happened to the hardware on my laptop; it's not been Working since late August! Don't know if it's the hard drive, motherboard, or a virus that's affected Windows' ability to start up. I seriously hope it's not a virus; otherwise, most of my hard drive will have been Wiped Out, and I REALLY cannot afford to lose that stuff. I've saved some things on CDs as backup, but not everything. There's a huge photo collection, Cafepress designs, original music mp3's, and my entire collection of digital audio files from Ireland in 2006, just for starters. Really need that stuff, including for online store designs, ReverbNation and Soundcloud uploads, Shutterstock submissions, new online calendar material, etc. etc. Why did the freaking machine do this to me now??? Gah...
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virgofolkie
hopeful
depressed